01-17-09
For immediate release
ABC Real Estate
123 Creative Way, Logan UT 84341
801-555-4567
LOGAN Utah—ABC Real Estate is looking for investors to participate in a new and creative way to buy and sell homes.
ABC Real Estate will take a resident buyer that is having problems getting a loan or has bad credit, and after screening them, put them into a home of a seller who cannot sell their home. This resident buyer will make payments on the trust that is formed between the seller, investor beneficiary, and a credit beneficiary. After a time period the resident will re-establish their credit and be able to buy the home. A negotiated amount of the trust money will then go back to the seller, investor, and credit beneficiary.
Michelle Toponce
michelletoponce@creativeway.com
801-555-3322
-END-
Friday, January 16, 2009
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Nice work getting the whole thing done in time. You're format looks good to me and from what I know, all the necessary things are included. I had my wife read this and then tell me what she remembered about it and she understood a completely different message than what I know you're trying to get across. Maybe explaining the process is too hard to follow in such a short amount of space and you would be better off hitting on benefits to investors or things that would attract their attention, and save explaining this somewhat complicated process for another time or place.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Matt F. I think you have lots of good information, I just think that some of it would be more effective under different circumstances. I would tighten your focus down a bit and just hit on the highlights. This will make your message more clear and concise. I really do think that you have some good information here. Great work.
ReplyDeleteI think that the document is just too short. You have all the information that you need to explain, but not enough persuasion for anyone to really be interested in being apart of it. I think that if I was a reporter, that I wouldn't be all that interested in this because it sounds to watered down. You seem to be not all that excited about it yourself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else above me.
Good luck
i think you did well for that short time that we had to do it, you included almost everything. all the best...
ReplyDelete